Not Ending Blog

I faced a lot of internal struggle over whether I'd be continuing this blog, but I will not be ending it.  I will describe some of the temptation to do so, what I realized in reflection, and why it must not end in this post.

Over the last few weeks, I noted that I had begun to question whether I should be writing these blog posts and more.  I reflected on the fact that it seemed that VERY often I will write something that I absolutely knew to be true and often Divinely inspired, but I was almost immediately seeing it challenged and tested in my own life.  It got to the point that I was afraid to write something good, because it might mean that the good thing would be tested in my own life.  Often, the test was relatively short lived but often very uncomfortable.  Further, I was seeing what I said that was rejected or challenged being spoken openly by others with easy acceptance.  So, I was tempted to believe that I just wasn't authorized by God to speak out.... that my calling was more care focused.

Now, I do believe that being care focused IS a calling, and I do believe that my calling is primarily to be a support to my love in her trials and calls.  HOWEVER, I believe that I DO have a calling to an area where few dare to tread.

My life hasn't been pleasant.. at least until recently.  I have faced a significant number and depth of trials for MANY years.  Yes, I have taking courses in the Bible and all but one course of a seminary degree, before I walked away for it not being my call.  However, I feel that those courses were meant to simply help me with context for the trials that would come.  I used to say that preacher were some of the most ill equipped to deal with people in divorce, because they had only known good and happy marriages.  Most churches, today, have a flawed mentality that says that you can tell if someone is holy by how blessed they are.. the more easy their life and the more asset they have, the more righteous they are.. even though that directly contradicts the words of Jesus Christ, Himself.  So, the leaders of most churches wouldn't have the experience necessary to connect with, empathize with, or even sit with someone in struggle.  Further, they often try to solve all problems with words.. information.. advice.  It has been my experience that those in struggle don't WANT to hear your advice.  They want your care.

I don't cite or note my theological training, because I don't want to be known for that.  However, I DO cite and note my struggle.  I have been where many are.  I have seen the darkness... I know it well.  I know what it is like to have your dreams or your connections dashed.  I know how to bounce back from being knocked down, because I have done it... soooo often.  I know how to keep hope when all seems lost.  I know how to make friends with your demons and maintain a heart of a saint.

So, that is why my blog must continue.  I speak, where others won't.  I note, what others fear to consider.  I stand for those others ignore.  I stand on the darkest path with a road sign to rise, and that must continue, whether or not it gets divinely inspired attraction or not.