I forget which Catholic show it was that I saw, once, on EWTN that led with it, but a show used to open with a phrase that the light shines the most in darkness. If there wasn't the dark, the candle wouldn't show up as much as it does... it would just fade into the background.
If you've followed the blog over the years, you will know that over the last year or so, I began to talk about the value of darkness. Even as so much of my light is love and joy and light in the current day, I still maintain that view. Indeed, it was something I talked about over the years at different times. In a book I wrote on magic years ago, I noted that in order for something to be magical, something else must be plain to have the contrast.
There has been periods of struggle and darkness over the years from one thing or another. With hindsight, I can see many of them were meant to motivate me in one way or another. Just one example began in August of 2023. I was living content in Florida with some conditions that were not always good but were acceptable. I would have stayed in that condition, left alone. I was single and not making the amount of money I could and found pockets of joy in nature and a few friends and my child I had in custody periods. I had spent a LONG time raising that child with much influence in their life and was fixed in them.
Then, in the span of 6 months, EVERYTHING I felt secure in was ripped away. I was hit with a retina tear that became a retina detachment and would result in two surgeries 6 months apart that would remove me from work. My best friend at the time mocked me publicly and rejected me. My ex with mental issues would in paranoia and mania break my custody agreement and deny me my weekends and more... the only reason I didn't go to police was not to put my child through that in their senior year. Then, due to my child being under their influence, my ex turned my child against me. Left with nothing, I moved near family in Oklahoma, taking a job that .. as it would turn out... wouldn't last long. However, it relocated me to where I could meet the most amazing person I have ever met in my life and with which we both found our perfect partner for our nature and being.
Yet... none of that amazing find and unfolding life I have in other ways, as well, would have happened if I had not faced that total collapse. If any of it had remained, I might not have moved to where I needed to be to find her. Darkness was NECESSARY to find my light.
We can be stupid as rats in a maze to a God that oversees not only the world but time and knows us most intently than we know ourselves. So, God needs not only the cheese but the obstacles and sometimes maybe even shocks of pain to get us to move to where we need to go. I hate the idea of the shocks, but I have also been the rat that needed it.
So, my point in this is just to say, don't always feel that you are far away from God in periods of struggle. It can be for many reasons, not just to motivate you to move or change. Sometimes, it may simply be so that when you DO face your magical moments in your life, you recognize and value them with the gratitude for which they are worthy. I will pray for you in that journey, as well.
No comments:
Post a Comment