Reflections on a Romantic Journey

 I tend to provide help for others as i understand.. or think I understand.. on my blog so others will not have to learn the things I've learned often from mistakes and more.  While I do not claim to have it all figured out... I learn things daily.. I thought I'd share a few things that I have found true in my life and which I attempt to follow.

1.  I must begin with a precaution, although I'm far past that point in my current relationship.  Do not just try to make a bad match work or pretend something exists that does not.  You will lose years or decades of your life if you do not heed this warning.

2. Love them.  There is a wide gap between a toxic or evil relationship and one that is thriving.  Good enough is not good enough for them... or you.  Be worthy.  Give them what they need.

3.  Understand what they need.  Each relationship like each person is unique.  Take the time to understand how to love them.  What is important to them?  How do they receive love?  They are worth your learning this.

4.  Love is not just in what you do but what you don't.  Oftentimes, it is the quiet.. the space.. the things you actively do NOT do that is most important.

5.  Being a boyfriend or girlfriend is not a stepping stone.  Long after I reach a legal status, my highest goal will STILL be being the best boyfriend I can be to her.  Love has never been about legalities or documents or ceremonies or more.  Yes.. those can be nice, but if it's about that only... it's nothing.  

6.  Romance isn't a race.  In my experience, it is the slowest moments that carry the most value.  Being slowly loved or loving someone slowly is the height of existence.

7.  Join the song.. don't try to be the conductor. When we lead things, it tends to cause problems.  Pay attention to the song God is conducting and be q useful instrument to a beautiful song.

That's enough for now.

Share Their Burden

So, God has been preparing me by a couple independent and also equally important life experiences to receive something in church, today.  I won't go into all the details of those events, but each played a part in my own ability to both understand and appreciate it.  

I was sitting in church at the Ash Wednesday service, and I am not even sure what brought it into mind but thought of my children.  It's not a huge leap for that thought to come.  I think about my kids at least some, every day.  However, sitting in church I felt God saying that I was sharing God's burden, as They also have children that are separated from them,  also led astray by others and youthful pride.

Of course, me being me.. this led to an inner argument with God.  I was like..  well, your kids come back, and I felt God saying not all do.  I was like... what did I do wrong to have to face this, and I felt God asking what They did wrong to face it.  So, I was realizing .. it wasn't because I was wrong and isn't a punishment.  It's just life that happens to everyone... even God.

After the tears filled my eyes as I processed this,  I felt comforted and valued that I could share this burden of God, and that led to the next connection.  

Lately, I've had a new thing I've been learning, which has helped to undo a lot of bad past relationship programming.  For much of my life in many areas, I've felt judged by my actions.  I felt that if I wanted to improve things, I had to do things. I felt the absence of doing things was bad, so I always looked to fix things in my life or for others.

First, God brought me into a perfect relationship for me with an amazing person without much of my planning... just participation.  When I did try to do things, it often got in the way til I .. again.. let God guide things.  However, I've also realized that others... and myself.. have struggles we cannot fix.  When I'm the one struggling, I know others cannot fix them, so I simply want their love in them.  And, I'm learning that often the most loving thing you can choose for others is, again, just to do nothing but provide love and support.  It's counterintuitive for my past.. doing nothing,  I felt, was letting them down and allowing distance to separate.  Yet, the reverse proved true.. providing space and support and love was in fact the best thing I could do. The best was simply to share their burden, as I do with God and God with me.

Realizing this makes me want to help other of God's kids to find their way back to God.  But, it also makes me change how I perceive we fix the world.  We don’t have to fix the world of others.  What we should do, rather, is simply let them know that we are there for them and give them the space and support as they face it, letting them know they are not alone.