Providence

As some might know that's followed me for some time, I have a Bible degree under my accounting, and I spent time no only active in churches but writing devotionals.  I became jaded from personal  experiences and what I have seen in many churches over time, until recently being reminded of the good that does exist in some of them.. probably most of them even if not leadership if I am honest.  Even when the leadership or structure is being run by greed and power in many, the newest of faith often have the purest of hearts.

Anyways, back then I wrote several devotionals.  One of them I considered my best work at the time and for a long time kept it 100 percent free to benefit the most people possible.  It would have thousands of downloads over the years with my paid promotion.  It was called 30 Days of Providence.  Somewhere along the time of my being disheartened in the church, I removed it from the sites of highest promotion and left it on a very lesser site HERE.  Check it out or not.  I only mention it for context.  It is good, but I've also grown much since writing it, especially in struggle. 

My point, though, is I used to BELIEVE in providence.  Then, for a long time, I did not.  I felt that things could NOT operate by plan with the world being how it was.  Then, two things happened over the last year to understand clearer and to regain my belief in it.  First, rather than being "blessed" into belief, I faced more and more hardship, til I began to understand there is value in the darkness.. character in the struggle, and we are often shaped in part by the evil we have faced .. even in opposition to it.  Then, I met the most perfect person for me, when I had all but given up hope that such a person did exist.  It came at the perfect time in the perfect way that would not have worked, otherwise.  She is everything I want and more, and I would have missed it and hated myself for it if known, had I been "blessed" with what I thought was good enough before.  I HAD to be cursed to now be blessed... and all of that is providence.

So, even when things look dark, and it looks or feels like God has abandoned you, consider that he might actually be blessing you, and the pain is actually loving you in a way you are not able to see or understand.  There is hope, if we left God craft us and bring us to where we are meant to be.