Providence

As some might know that's followed me for some time, I have a Bible degree under my accounting, and I spent time no only active in churches but writing devotionals.  I became jaded from personal  experiences and what I have seen in many churches over time, until recently being reminded of the good that does exist in some of them.. probably most of them even if not leadership if I am honest.  Even when the leadership or structure is being run by greed and power in many, the newest of faith often have the purest of hearts.

Anyways, back then I wrote several devotionals.  One of them I considered my best work at the time and for a long time kept it 100 percent free to benefit the most people possible.  It would have thousands of downloads over the years with my paid promotion.  It was called 30 Days of Providence.  Somewhere along the time of my being disheartened in the church, I removed it from the sites of highest promotion and left it on a very lesser site HERE.  Check it out or not.  I only mention it for context.  It is good, but I've also grown much since writing it, especially in struggle. 

My point, though, is I used to BELIEVE in providence.  Then, for a long time, I did not.  I felt that things could NOT operate by plan with the world being how it was.  Then, two things happened over the last year to understand clearer and to regain my belief in it.  First, rather than being "blessed" into belief, I faced more and more hardship, til I began to understand there is value in the darkness.. character in the struggle, and we are often shaped in part by the evil we have faced .. even in opposition to it.  Then, I met the most perfect person for me, when I had all but given up hope that such a person did exist.  It came at the perfect time in the perfect way that would not have worked, otherwise.  She is everything I want and more, and I would have missed it and hated myself for it if known, had I been "blessed" with what I thought was good enough before.  I HAD to be cursed to now be blessed... and all of that is providence.

So, even when things look dark, and it looks or feels like God has abandoned you, consider that he might actually be blessing you, and the pain is actually loving you in a way you are not able to see or understand.  There is hope, if we left God craft us and bring us to where we are meant to be.

Love Fruit

I was in a class at my new church, today, and they were discussing a few Hebrew words for love in the Old Testament.  One prompted a deeper meaning for me, and I wanted to blog about it.

The word is Rakham or Rechem (I know from my own theological studies in the past there were no vowels in Biblical Hebrew).  It means compassion but is also a word variant of the Biblical word for womb.

What, then, transpired was my realization that love is a thing that brings forth fruit.. it CREATES life.  It creates new.

Especially right now as I'm experiencing the effects of new love, I can so clearly see this effect in operation.  As love persists and grows, it extends and nurtures an amazing new life that will result if it is given care and food.

I've struggled with examples of "religion" that we so often see in this world, and my own religious training made it hard to accept any man made form as genuine and not based in power or greed.  But... that's not love.

When LOVE exists, whether religious or family or relationship, it covers rather than pressures, heals rather than harms, and it grows into something new and amazing.  So, may you experience and give that kind of love this Christmas season for the birth of a very worthy year to come.

Magical

I've noted something a long time ago about how for something to be magical there must be non magical for comparison.. for something to be special, there must be the mundane... for something to be successful, there must be others that fail.  We enjoy the MIRACLE of the light bulb, and it WAS a great success.  But, it came after literally thousands of failures.

I'm experiencing a very happy life, lately.  It seems a little bizarre and unbelievable to me, sometimes.  I've had so many times where things appeared to be very good and was not.  I've had the floor fall out from under me many, many times, when I tried to stand on hope.  Though, hope is also a good net to catch you when you fall.

But, then, I think about this concept.  It is the FAILURES that make the SUCCESS what it can be.  You cannot fully appreciate a magical moment or time period without the times that it failed to materialize.  And, failure can be a wonderful instructor along the way, provided we don't give up.  It's easy to do that.  It's easy to say... it NEVER works for me about one thing or another.  But, the key word is YET to follow that.

There was a Christian movie I watched a long time ago, and I don't recall much of it.  However, I do remember the father telling a son that was having issues with doubt that "You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take."  Indeed.  It's like that meme that is out there of the minor that gives up digging with inches before the treasure of diamonds.

My thinking on it is this.  If you have been trying and failing, you should look at your life and consider this.  You already don't have what you seek, and you won't have it... whether or not you try.  I do understand that desire can bring fear, but it can also be empowering and hope can be the fuel that gets you through rough times.  

And, when you have to go through those dark times, I guess I'd say from experience... the darkness is important to fully recognize and appreciate the light that is to come, and when it does come, it will be magical.

Pace Yourself

Perhaps, it comes with age... after the Cynical 40s, you gain a wider perspective of existence. But, you also learn to get less stressed over everything happening RIGHT NOW. Why? You've seen a LOT of right now's over life, and you're still standing.

I don't say that to say it's not worthy of addressing or action. What I'm saying in this post is really two things.

1. Live your life. If you postpone your happiness to deal with this "crisis" or the next, you'll find yourself far into your life story, realizing you've missed a lot of it. There is a song in my most recent playlist called Birds Still Sing that says...

"Birds still sing on bad days
Flowers grow around graves
Not everyone stays but the real ones do
Our moon moves in phases
So give yourself a little grace
And if you look close where the cracks meet
We're still blooming in concrete" Taylor Acorn

The point being, you can still have good and prosperity IN the middle of struggle and problems... and you SHOULD because problems we have many.

2.  Pace yourself.  There will be struggle in the future, just as with the past.  Make a contribution, live your life, rise up in action, read a book, stand for the helpless, listen to music.  Alternate.  Don't burn out.  Don't let your convictions steal your life.

I just felt that needs to be said, by one that has let it all consume me, too often.