Just Be

Do you know how change happens?  If you're like most people, you think it happens through conflict.  I've believed that, many times.  Don't get me wrong, there is a conflict element to it, as it happens.  But, conflict is not where the CHANGE takes place.  Change takes place as one person at a time just... changes.  Whether or not others criticize it is irrelevant.  Then, someone else sees your change and feels more willing to change...and so on and so forth.

The thing is, though... they don't follow your example for your fight to be accepted.  They follow your example MOST when they see you happy and content.  Your critics KNOW this, because their biggest story about you to themselves and others is that you're unhappy if you are not married, Christian, straight, or any other variation from their prepacked existence.  Their biggest FEAR is not that you'll fail but that you'll succeed and be happy without the story, because that makes them question their own acceptance of the packaged life, as well.

But... that's not our problem, and it's not our intention.. and should not occupy our minds, just because others bitterly defend... themselves.  Our focus should be, instead, making our lives as happy being ourselves as possible, which will in turn create the biggest change in the world we leave in our wake.

Succeed Anyway

 Last week's Silo episode touched on a concept that I have talked about in the past and one that I am living, today.  In the episode, one of the critics of the Silo had gone out of the episode and.... didn't die.  Were there risks, yes.  However, she learned that those running the Silo wanted her to fail and made sure that she did not.  I won't give any more than that, as I have not given anything that people that watch the show doesn't already know about those running the Silo.  However, it leads into my concept.

In society, there are people that love to promote their worldview, and they will attack anyone that distorts that world view... and MOST OF ALL .. the will wish failure upon any of their critics that should not be successful in their worldview, because that shows others that they have the ability to free will... and that is a concept that many of them fear.  If there is no stick, why would they go for the carrot they dangle in front of them .. or more aptly, if they can get their own carrot, why would they bend to take one from them.

My life in many ways is a contradiction of many different stories being presented by different groups.  

Let's see.. first, there is the belief that you must be married or in a relationship to be happy and successful... or at least have children.  Much of that has been stripped away from me without my will, but I have a happy and successful life.

Then, there is the belief that you must be Christian to be "blessed".. that one is very popular, right about now.  Not only am I not a practicing Christian, but I WALKED AWAY and praise witches and people of no religious faith and openly use my knowledge of what I learned in Bible school and seminary to poke holes in the mythology being fed to people to follow, today.... people that have fancy churches, expensive suits, and nice cars and jets in the middle of communities that fall apart from people giving away their money as quickly as most communities with a Casino... which honestly is not that much of a bad analogy.  And, I don't credit God for the success.  That's probably the thing that bothers them the most.  They tell me to praise God for it, and I would... if I could honestly identify a SINGLE good thing that has happened to me or is happening to me that is not the DIRECT result of my own actions.

I don't succeed to prove them wrong.  I don't exist to make them look bad.  I just took responsibility for my own life and my own happiness, and I am achieving it... in SPITE of their desire that I fail (because I won't accept their negative faith curse, either).  So, if you feel like others want you to fail, fk em.. succeed anyway.  They won't... and shouldn't.. be part of the feast you make of your future, anyway.

Let Go and Rise

I have had this post in my mind to do, but I felt it was incomplete and should come after I've fully risen.  But, that's not real, and it's not true to the message... so doing it, now.

The holidays have been difficult for me for years, because I was spending too much of my focus on the past.  Without going into much details, I faced a series of difficulties that was out of my hands to prevent that would strip away family and connections that I had relied upon as a sense of identity.  If you feel it could never happen to you, that's how I felt for years, until it DID happen to me.  

Bill Clinton sais on TV this last week, "There are no permanent victories or defeats."  He's lived both sides of that coin, and it's been true in my own life.  I have good memories from good times in different parts of my life in various stages.  At those moments, I felt as secure as Clinton would have in his 8 years as President and had only hope for the future.  Then, like him, I've had it systematic stripped away.  And, you feel in those dark moments that all hope is gone, forever.  But, no storm lasts forever, as they say.  

In Twisters, there was a scene, when the male lead star was consoling the woman lead star for the loss she suffered from her storms.  He explains we gauge tornadoes by how much destruction it takes from us and asks how much more will she let it take from her.

Like many others, I have clung too long to the good that I've lost, and doing so I let it take more and more from my present and future.  Presently, I have worked to establish a good foundation upon which to stand and rise.  I'm making near the highest income I've made in my life.  I put 1300 dollars into paying old bills and 1100 into auto repairs this month, and I still have leftover money in the account and will have a good budget for presents for family and activities at the end of year.  Good...is happening.  It may not look like the good of the past, but it is worthy of joys of the future, which cannot happen if I judge my life by the past and not the days ahead.

So, regardless of your personal loss of the past or the evil we are seeing in society, you CAN have a good future, if you are willing to let the past go and build a new happy future.

Balderdash

We are upon that time of the year when it's completely acceptable to pretend.  People pretend in holiday figures and stories.  For example, I shared a list of "Christmas" movies from Vogue over time to watch, and there was more emphasis on Santa Claus than religion.. Indeed, almost no holiday movie will ever mention Jesus, and that makes sense with as little historical connection to the once pagan holiday to a specific religious figure.  Don't get me wrong, I think it's great.  I'll watch holiday movies, go to holiday light displays, and I already have my tree lit.  My choosing to step away from judgmental Christianity will have no impact on me at all in celebrating a holiday more created by Coca Cola in modern society than any church. 

Society also loves to pretend all is right in the world and that they care for those that are not, despite an election long attack on the very least of these they now say are worthy of holiday donations but not tax dollars.  They pretend we get along and are unified, despite one of the most bitterly divided sets of values I've known in my entire lifetime.

But, I think it's perfectly fine to pretend.  Sometimes, a completely fictional movie or book can have more REAL impact on your life than listening to the series of doubts and fears that surround you.  Pretense can be very good, when people dress up like holiday figures as a way of loving people and themselves.  If only those same people gave people the right to dress in ways that gave them the same feeling, year round, the world would be a better place.

Tell Me Not To.. I Dare You

 I remember having a conversation with a German student attending a college I attended, once, where he said sneaking out and drinking wasn't popular in Germany, because it was normal.  Yet, we were sneaking out to do it in my early teens.. among others things.  My first orgasm to be honest was standing around a bunch of other teens on the side of a dirt road looking at playboy and hustler magazines. 

It's well known in movie plots that the woman goes for the "bad boy" and boys love the "bad girl".. both are plots in Grease for example.  Being forbidden makes us more interested in getting it.  And, that got me into two marriages that would be very bad for me, because someone objected to both.

However, that can be a good thing, too.  When I was doubted and expected to fail, it lit a fire to overcome and succeed, even when... especially when.. the odds were against me.

So, there's something to be said for having your hopes dashed.  It can be exactly what you ultimately need to reach your highest goals.

The Party of Hypocrisy

I spent way too long in the party of hypocrisy, defending their bipolar narcissist swings, but it's time they were called out on it.

For example in the years after the Covid outbreak, the party would scream my body my choice about being free to decide what to do with their own bodies in being able to choose whether to get a vaccine.  Then, they switched to now wanting to stop people from choosing to TAKE the vaccine.  Similarly, they are now wanting to stop even adults from taking hormone blockers for transgender procedures (while having no problems with viagara to get it up for sex), stop women from reproductive health choices, and more.

They also spent decades saying they don't have religious freedom, only to start mandating their version of faith upon everyone when they get into power.  They claimed state rights was supreme over federal power, til they got federal power.  Now, they want to stop states from defending college diversity programs, environmental protections, and more.  They claimed they wanted to support cops, only to start targeting federal law enforcement for elimination.  

The list goes on and on.  I left the party years ago in part when I realized what they say about themselves wanting freedom does not equate to freedoms they give to other points of view.  In the end in their mind, there is only one way.  When that is out of favor, they claim victimization.  When they get power, they see themselves as the instrument of God to impose their view on others.  And, that is both the definition of fascism and the exact qualities of a narcissist.. which I've had way too much experience in knowing.  I've given way too much support to those with which I disagree, only to have support for myself cut the moment they disagree with me.  We will not know freedom, until we separate ourselves from those who cannot stand us being.... ourselves.

Coincidental Confirmation

The old phrase goes something like this.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Food me twice, shame on me.  Unfortunately, I have been shamed by extending what I used to call "unwarranted grace" to people way too often in my past, til I learned to learn from experience.  I'm getting much better at guarding my heart than I used to be and making wise choices to not trust those who have not earned it, though.  However, recent events show that much of society has not had enough bad experience to learn to do this.. but don't worry.. they will.

I'm reminded of a scene in Wargames the movie, where the main character challenges Joshua (a supercomputer tied to Norad) to play Tic Tac Toe against itself.  People asked what he was doing,  and he said he was trying to get it to learn.  After doing so for several minutes, Joshua finally concluded the only winning move was not to play.   That's a great lesson for anyone that has not yet left a toxic narcissist, whether that be a relationship partner or a politician.  And, until they do, voters of that politician will spend all their time justifying and defending the horrible actions of their "choice."

During the last campaign, Democrats and myself gave literal words of GOP leadership, evidence of racism, and examples of where they planned to strip freedoms.  All we heard in response was that we were uninformed or misled.  Fast forward to present day.  Now, we have the same leadership voicing direct policies to strip away states freedoms, a cabinet that is almost entirely white and male with direct threats at colleges that allow diversity, and enacting plans to do... the extreme things we SAID they would do.  Somehow, saying told you so is entirely unsatisfactory.  

But, even as it happens, the right will bury their heads and act like nothing is happening.. they are already doing it being unwilling to talk about Trump’s policies.. after THEY enabled him to do it all. It's all still just coincidence to them, and they won't acknowledge anything else or would have to feel the worst thing they can imagine... guilt.  That's how you had Nazis in Germany saying they didn't personally kill jews.  They just kept the trains running on time that transported them to where they would die.

At some point, as I noted with narcissists, you have to put two and two together and see a pattern in the coincidental confirmations and make wise decisions to protect your own safety.  We are past that for at least a couple years for politics, but we can definitely learn to apply it to our personal lives, afterward.

You Do You

 I shouldn't have to do this blog, but we are where we are in society because so many don't understand this concept... so I'll be basic.

People often say they should have freedom to be themselves but then feel obligated to tell others what they should or should not do.  I'm always on the side of personal freedom and against restrictions on others.  If I don't like what their freedom looks like, I can always choose not to be in their sphere of influence.  That's how freedom works.  

However, this also applies to personality choices.  In the last several months, I've had many tell me I shouldn't question things politically .. saying peace is more important.  While that is good advice for some in their roles in society, it would be a horrible thing for me to do in my job or many others in roles of justice, journalism, defense and more.  Many people serve a great purpose in questioning things and even causing conflicts to further free thought.

I just use that as one example, but the overall theme would simply be no one should use their own preferences to decide what is best for others or what would make them happy. Someone with a trans child or gay friends would not prosper from being told to be rigid to religious tennant.  More basic.. advice for men and women should be different in some cases.  As a sensitive guy with female friends, I was often counseled that to find love i should just wait for it to find me... which is fine advice if you're a woman as men are expected to make the first move but horrible for a man.  Further, we don't know what the skills, interests, and past of those we are counseling would be.

So, to just conclude this, life goes much better if we stop focusing on what others are doing differently and let them do them, and you just do you.

Energy

 I wrote a book years back that focused on overlapping concepts between Christianity and witchcraft... noting that almost every concept in the church could be found in pagan principles still in use today, which is not surprising since most Christian holidays were set up historically on pagan holiday dates and traditions.  Ultimately, I stopped promoting that book when I lost faith in the church.. not Jesus or the gospels, necessarily.. tho the Bible's development and structure has much to question and almost all seminaries DO question it and reject much of it... a little known but entirely true process called hermeneutics.  I know.. I spent years in those classes.  But... I'm getting off topic.

In that book, I wrote a couple chapters dealing with protecting your energy.  I don't fully accept the absoluteness of those words.. some intermixture of ideas, especially, is important.  However, not everyone is WORTH the effort you make for them... a lesson I learned over and over the hard way.  You can, and should, have disagreements with others in your life.  And, you will have disagreement with those NOT in your life.  It's up to you to decide which is which.  If they connect with you in some interest or are friendly and build you up at times, it's valuable.  But, that doesn't apply to everyone.  Tonight, I went through my friends list.  I didn't remove everyone that didn't interact with me. They have their own lives.  But, I was surprised how many in had on there that had not interacted in a very long time and also posted thing contrary to my own values in almost all ways.  The question then becomes.. why.  That's how I've ended up in the wrong social pond and focused on the approval of the wrong crowd so often in my life.  So, I removed about 15.  Immediately, I felt the ENERGY in my social circle elevate and felt much safer to get myself there.  

There is a trend in some social platforms.. cough cough X.. to throw off all limits and restrictions and be an open target.  Indeed, Elon recently removed your ability to block people, despite the growing culture of bullies or worse.  I think you must be in the world to sone degree, but you also are responsible for protecting your peace.  So, I'm putting effort into limiting some from my life and seeking out others to invite, so that my social world is a safe place to be, and I would recommend you do the same.. especially now.

Boycott

I have been wrong.  I felt that we should push for unity.  I felt that the solution to the hatred of the politically right was to push for love and not answer them in like terms.   After all, that's what they always say after breakups... take the high road.  I felt that message would resonate with even Republicans and draw the party back from the extreme rhetoric and fascism being birthed.  I was wrong.  The Republican party STILL chose the hatred, defended the hatred, and repeated the hatred.  They still with a completely unconflicted conscience would tell you it was the CHRISTIAN thing to turn out immigrant mothers and babies to prison or send them back to the countries they escaped from brutality, to deny food assistance to poor mothers and children who were supposedly lazy or housing to the homeless, to attack children for changing their pronouns, and to defend a convicted felon who has been found guilty of rape in a civil case and openly bragged of sexual assault. There is no more integrity or true Christian faith in the modern religious right.

If there is one thing that the right has very clearly taught America, it is that consistent attacks, blame, and derision of the other side... wins elections.  We tried it the unity seeking way, and the right openly rejected that open hand.. in fact bit it.  There is no negotiating with narcissists.  I should have known that from my own experience with my first ex.  I tried peace and unity with her and even defended her to my children... before my ex would lie to and steal them, because to ALL of the Republican right members, nowadays, their entire judgment of good and evil is ... did they win.  Do they have power over your life to tell you what to do.  In the end, the only solution I had for that ex was to get as far away from her as possible and cease communication.  I didn't understand the "never trump" phrase I used to very often see on dating profiles, but now I do.  I now support isolation from Republicans for your own safety.  Already, post election, Trump is speaking about attacking trans rights "at any age" and denying Hispanics citizenship even if born here.  He is an existential threat to most of America (America is a people not a geography).  And his voters are already attacking others in his name.

I was going to give a specific list of Trump supporter companies to boycott, but it's simple

If ANYONE voted for or helped him, do not buy anything they sell, don't listen to their music, and don't read or watch their media because you KNOW what they do with your dollars.. and that includes churches this Christmas.  Just give the donations directly to social need organizations.  That's the only way the money will get there.

Blog and Media Focus

 I've taken the day to reflect and refocus what will be my highest focus in the years to come, and as this blog is called Forward to Happiness, it must have a political theme after recent results.  I saw many online today claiming "America won"... and I tried with futility to enlighten why that was a false statement... so that is a point of education that must be intertwined, as well.

What is America?  Is it the buildings in D.C.?  No.. from our founding, it was stated clearly that America is "we the people"... and that people is divided, and almost half of that people lost, last night.  It's not like over half will have "won".. either, as almost half of California votes have to be fully counted as well as other Kamala areas, so likely he will have failed to reach 50 percent of the vote for the 3rd time.  But, that's really irrelevant, anyway.  What is America?  We the people doesn't mean the MOST of the people.  It means ALL of the people.. every single minority group IS America, something the right fails to understand.  The things that are important to them are AMERICAN interests.. to say otherwise and to push a singular point of view on others is the definition of fascism... and push they do.  Whether they choose to tell people how they can dress or makeup they are allowed to wear or who they can love or what god they must worship or whether they are ALLOWED to choose a vaccine for their own bodies... it is strikes against freedom.

And, I'm a big believer in freedom.  I always have been.  That has caused me to oppose one political party or another at various times with a defense of personal choices, and that defense is now directed almost entirely at the group that came into power on the message of removing choices, and we are seeing that taking place by that political party in states, already.  This week, the state where I am defined gender by law.  Get that?  You are not even allowed to CHOOSE FOR YOURSELF what pronoun you'd pick, even though making that choice does not harm anyone else for that decision.  The state has also recently mandated that EVERY teacher MUST teach from the Bible in their classes... even if that class is Math and the teacher happens to be athiest or Jewish or Hindu.  I have opposed that as it took place, as well.  Shortly, if Trump is to be believed, he will remove LGBTQ people from the miliary, as he campaigned to do in ads ran on X.  He has also said healthcare will be done by RFK, which has said he wants a nationwide abortion ban, said he wants to ban people from choosing vaccines for their own bodies, and has said he wants to remove floride from water and that he distrusts all medicines made by big pharma as being unsafe... which will lead to long wait times for cures, while people DIE because they won't be given a choice to take what they want to fight their illness.

We are just beginning a VERY fun period, in fact.  Kamala was blamed for every rise in prices, even if those was done by greedy corporate people posting record profits.  Guess what... those greedy corporations won't be choosing LESS profits in the future, so Trump will be to blame for every price increase in the next 4 years.  I truly hope that Kamala stays in the fight as the lead candidate, so she can say the same things about his economy and government that he said about hers.  She's still young, and he LITERALLY cannot run, again.

So, don't give up hope.  Conservatives are LITERALLY dying off.. being an elderly population.. all the younger ones voted for Kamala.  Educated people voted for Kamala.  Women voted for Kamala.  Black men voted for Kamala.  Hispanic women voted for Kamala... and all of these at higher levels than prior elections.  Change is coming, even if Republicans try to deport everyone that is dissimilar to them, and it will happen, eventually.  I am dedicating my blog and media to the defense of those whose freedoms are targeted and to ensuring that every broken campaign promise and economic failure and fascist action is noted of the GOP leadership and every blatant hypocrisy of his supporters.. such as claiming a loving God at Christmas even as they cut poverty food aid and hate migrants like Mary and homeless like Jesus.. is cited, as well.  I will make the proud uncomfortable and comfort the afflicted, and I won't give a SHT if the religious declare that .... unChristian.

Challenge Accepted

There's a slight hope Harris will win, but my own observation so far makes it slight and unlikely.  So, I'm going to bed, but before I do there is several things that must be said and things that must be promised.

First and foremost, if the right thought this would silence me or us, they are wrong.  Unlikely them that votes both FOR abortion and for Trump against abortion in Florida, for minimum wage in some states and for Trump against raising wages in others.. voting for high prices but for someonepromoting price tarrifs... our convictions are not trendy options we can set aside if you want power instead.  Ours are actually based on literal life and death and personal freedom.

So... I will spend the next 4 years noting every single flaw and failure of Trump and every hypocrisy of Republican voters in Trump actions as he does them.  And, I better not hear one Republican tell me to be loyal after 4 years of them attacking Biden and Harris from before day one.

Further, I've observed every time a Republican "friend" repeated smears against LGBTQ people, witches, women's rights, and personal religious freedom or free speech.  So, if they thought they could be that way for their supreme leader and be welcomed after like some bipolar narcissist hero, let me be very clear to say fk up and please stay clear of me.  My boundaries will not let you resume close connection.

My personal life and finances are much better than I was under Trump, last time, and I will continue to prosper without any input by him, and I will succeed as a gd dm liberal inspite of him, associating with other liberals... there's half a country of us.  The ... "winners" can just go suck it in their own private hedonistic island... far away from me.

Acceptance

"Know that they will be loved."  Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

I was going to just do a social media post, but it's blog worthy, as it teaches an important lesson.. albeit painful one on my behalf.  I thought I was just taking a break to watch the movie of the quote, above.  However, it had both political application and personal one.  I won't get into the political one on here.  This post is on the personal one.  And, looking back over the past week, I have been being prepared for it... in true Dr Strange like or divinity fashion.

First... limited backstory, as I have already discussed it at various times and going over it, again, would not be appropriate for the lesson.  My ex in very harsh and deceptive and controlling fashion, as true to my entire experience of being with her controlling me and condemning me when I didn't go alone with her agenda, seized control of and lied to my children to turn them away from me... this, despite all my efforts on her behalf and on behalf of my children for decades.  I would spend a long time mourning the loss and trying to find a way to change my outcome.  Eventually, I would realize that there was nothing I could do but hope that they would realize the truth and come to me... still feeling depressed and stunted from the entire experience.

Then, this week... a quiet voice of reason began to whisper what would come full volume in that quote of the movie, and I literally paused the movie and cried... but tears of release.  What I began to consider... against my will.. was that my ex should have time with her children, and it was a good thing that they had their mom... even IF she was intent to attack and exclude me from their lives.  I do know this... it's one reason I didn't call the cops on her, after I asked my child if I should fight it or not out of not wanting to hurt them by hurting their mom.. taking the courtesy that she would not show to me.

The reality is, even with her religiously judgmental and controlling fashion, she is their mom. She loves them in her own way, which I even said to my child when they were upset at how their mom treated them.  They are being loved, and I am out of the picture... involuntarily but accurately.  

So... I release them.  I have good memories with them, but as I have also been slowly walked to conclude... it's over.  I release my anger at my ex.  I release my desire to bring anything from the past back to the present.  As with Wanda in all of her stories, at some point you have to accept that things have changed and to begin to move forward.  I have already taken steps to that end, but this is me saying I release the pain so that my future can be free to build new joys, knowing as relates to my children.. they are loved.

Personal Update

I haven't done a personal update in a while.  There's certain parts of my life that need not be disclosed, but I do think it's worthwhile to not the other parts, because there's an awesome transition taking place, much like a few years ago when I had about 6 months of transition, as well.  You can generally tell from looking at my playlists.  I create them with guidance from within, and in periods of transition you'll see a lot of new songs and new themes that grow and dominate.. as has been happening for weeks, now.

So, where to begin.  There are several new themes and foundational concepts that are driving me.  

I do not feel the need to justify myself or even in many cases even explain myself.  I spent so much of my life doing that to people that would keep on judging me, anyways.  Further, they aren't "my people" that would understand me, anyways.. so why bother.  Let them go on with their happy delusion.

I do not feel I should hide my experience or the conclusions to which they led me.  It may be unconventional and make some uncomfortable, but then... the things said or concluded come from the evidence of my observations.  If they don't like it, they should have and can always CHANGE it.  If not, I can only conclude what I have observed.

My life is elevating, and it is happening in absence of many past critics.  It is happening in absence of a relationship partner.  It is happening while I'm openly "blasphemous" and heretical to many religious, and I'm glad about that... because otherwise they'd be saying "GOD" was making it happen.  I'm pretty sure those people wouldn't be thinking GOD is on my side (whether or not true), because that makes their perception of what God would bless or curse wrong... and they'd have to stop judging others. 

I'm happy being single.  Will I stay that way?  I don't know.  But, every time I start to consider changing it, I have thoughts of how a relationship was in the past.. not just the rosy moments but periods of self doubt, anxiety, and pains in conflict and collapse.  I am still not sure it's worth it as a whole.  IF it happens the only way I can visualize it is if I just hang out and enjoy experience of things with someone long enough to feel safe with them doing that long term.  So.. we'll see.

Finally, there is no point looking back.  There's nothing for me in the way it used to be.  There's only forward, and that adventure is where all my focus will lie.