Boundaries

I'll start by saying there's nothing wrong with a romance or being in a relationship.  If you were lucky enough to find someone that respects you, desires you, supports you, and is committed to you, that is a good thing... assuming you feel the same.  However, not everyone has been so lucky.  For many of us, we ended up with people that abused us emotionally and more, neglected us, and were only with us for what they could get from us, til they could no more.  Then, when the well went dry, so did their "care" and interest.

I have not dated in over a year.  Partially, it was because I was addressing financial needs and relocating.  But, it was also from growth, and the longer I went not dating.. the more I grew.  It's like when your kids grow up.  At first, you feel like you are losing all that refined you, which is actually very sad.. tho many are not equipped to understand that.  But. After a few years, you rediscover who you are without them.  I've seen this not only in myself but almost every person I've met with grown kids.  Then, it gets liberating and is a joy to have an empty nest.

Similarly, the longer you go after being married, the more you discover yourself, again.  The longer you are married... or the more years you have been married of your life, the longer it takes to find yourself, again.  But, as you do, it is also very freeing.  You can choose what you want to wear, say, do etc without consulting someone else.  You can eat what you want or pick if you want to exercise based on yourself and what you desire, rather than being constantly fearful how someone will judge your body.  You can even choose to stay in your underwear and chill all day watching shows, without checking if your words and actions please others.  It takes time, and I still catch myself making choices or silencing myself for others, til I shake myself out of it and choose my life for me.

Will I have another relationship?  I don't know.  I do think it could be nice, but it will not look like what I grew up expecting and what is seen most of the time.  I'm not going to make pleasing them my source of happiness, nor do I want them to make pleasing me theirs.  I'd expect us both to ge happy about ourselves on our own and then jointly do things together that makes us both happy for shared experiences.  I'd expect a commitment to establish a feeling of security, though.  I don't want to always be waiting for the other shoe to drop and them leave.. because maybe I have a different opinion or non shared interest.  In general, I don't want to go from the feeling of peaceful contentment I have, now, to feel eternally insecure and anxious.  It's LITERALLY not worth the change, if that's what I'd have in store.

We must learn to establish and respect boundaries, and when others fear or don't respect those boundaries, then the boundaries are trying to tell you something that you should heed.

Your life is your life, and take it from me that you may find one day that is all you have... so treat yourself well and be jealous of that care when you consider adding another.