The journey towards happiness is a conscientious one. It is intentional. It doesn't just happen, and no one is waiting to give it to you. Some might give you a moment of joy or a few, but it's not their responsibility for their life. Everyone is born with the same responsibility... to care for themselves. So, anyone that expects constant affirmation and mood lifting and gifts from others will eventually find the other person tired of violation of their responsibility for yours, if you are not giving back.
So, how do you progress towards happiness. I try to alternate in my blog between different things that helps from my experience. I haven't experienced all kinds of loss or struggle, but I have established some principles that I believe are universal, and those are my focus, generally. I tend to stay away from things percolating in my head, til I have established they are true. True is a very good thing for me.. always has been. So, I'll summarize some principles I have accepted and implemented in my own life, here.
1. Be real. This one is hard but necessary. I do not mean to be negatively pessimistic. That errors on the same flaw as being overly optimistic. In both cases, you prevent yourself from taking action to improve your situation. Just be real about what you can expect in your current situation, what you desire, and what steps would be necessary to get there IN your situation or if not possible changes to your situation that must be made.
Being real and objective also helps you avoid being paralyzed by fear. The other day I had to drive to another city for my job for something and carpooled with another worker. She noted that I wasn't nervous about her driving .. was reading a book in fact. I explained that i never fear, anymore. Years ago, I determined fear is mostly useless. Instead, I just stay ready to respond to whatever happens... adjust. Logic has been my best friend over my ample challenges in the recent years.
2. Stop trying to satisfy others' opinions of how your life should look. Realistically, you probably won't know most of the people you know, now, in 5 years. If you do know them, they will probably be so absorbed in their own lives that they wouldn't even remember their opinion of yours. Those that are your closer and remaining friends will want you to follow whatever path would make you happy, because that's what real friends and family would want for you. So, do that, now.
3. Make a plan. Like I said... it doesn't just happen. So, you need to identify the specific things that needs changing and take steps to make the changes. Does that require schooling? Moving? Applying to new jobs? Going on dates you know will probably fail? Whatever it is, plan it.
4. Take risks. Be real but take risks, and be real about the risks. I recall applying to over 100 jobs before my first professional job many years ago. Just statistically there are more people applying than openings at any job. If you want to win one, it's more about persistence than anything else. With persistence, you lower the odds that you will eventually find something by stats of multiple attempts working together. The same is true of other things like dating... though that one is different in that you need to do the next point.
5. Get addicted to discovery of your own likes and wants. I know that over my life people would ask what I wanted, and I'd stare back with a blank expression that said... oh... I hadn't actually considered that. We get so busy trying to fit in and please others that we can entirely lose ourselves. It takes time OUTSIDE of being a people pleaser..and being willing to become someone offensive to some people.. to really begin to understand what we like. In my experience, you may discover things you like and that leads to something you like more.. so like steps towards becoming you. But, you'd never discover that unless you have the personal freedom to explore apart from a society looking to condemn anything that is outside of the established norms.
6. Choose to focus forward on the adventure of change, rather on the failures of the past. I made a note of it in my social media the other day, but there was a part in Only Murders in the Building that resonated with this. Mabel was being asked by a media company to sell the rights of her life's tragedies for a movie. She was hesitating and explained... what if that's not who I want to be in the future? I've hit on this in my life at times but only briefly, but it is true and important. I have in recent years focused way too much time and energy on what did not work in my past and not enough on what the future might bring. The best pay to predict your future is to create it, as they say. And, in Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium, the lead character says, "We must face tomorrow, whatever it may hold, with determination, joy and bravery."
So. I'll end this post on that, though I could say more and in more depth. Look up. Look forward. And, step into the future towards your own path in happy discovery.
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