Safe and Secure

 I have been, am being, and will continue being proven right in my assessments and my responses.  As I've said several times, others will come around to seeing it and will continue to reject me even though I spoke the truth that now accept.  Story of my life.  The truth isn't often welcomed, even though it forms the core of my values.  I'm in a good job for that.

But, my point for this post is a tangent of that reality.  I'm driven to only accept objective truth, and I hate (strong word but chosen on purpose) those that promote lies to deceive people... and I see that moreso in religious circles than outside TBH.. but both applies.  I hate those that encourage hate of people for simply their choice to exist and live their lives by their choices.  I'm still not to my central point, though.

My point is this.  Consider what you need in your close connections and relationships.  The primary thing we need is feeling safe and valued.  If you don't have that, my experience is whatever you have will eventually end.  I have too much history of being attacked by those that I trusted for that safety for my inherent objective factual drive.  It doesn't matter whether they eventually agree.  That was never the point, and I'm ok with others holding different opinions.  But, if I have to risk losing connections every time I open my mouth in question or observation, a close relationship will never be possible.

So... I will be VERY cautious choosing who gets close to me and the closest will have to prove their support past their opinions, and I recommend you do the same

Stand

We have just accepted the idea that if someone gets 49 percent of the vote and the other side gets 47 percent that the higher number party must be given absolute authority to dictate their morals upon the 47 percent and that the 47 percent's opinions doesn't matter... their objections don't matter.. their values don't matter.  Even if the winning party had 51 percent that's stupid.  Even if they had 90 percent, that's stupid.  Everyone matters.  Everyone has value.  Everyone is entitled to freedom to live their lives their way in their homes, their beds, and to speak their minds.

The little country of Ukraine has been fighting for years against a much bigger Russia that has been determined to extinguish the county of Ukraine.  People have been saying it couldn't win against Russia.  Yet, years later, it is not only still surviving but is causing damage far inside Russia, itself.  Despite many globally saying they just needed to accept Russian rule, they are still free.  They are still relevant.  They still matter.

People have been telling LGBTQ people that they are evil and that they shouldn't have freedom over their own bodies to live their way with love for people they are banned from loving.  Yet... they exist.  They continue being their way, even with condemnation and the condemnation is less every year... just like happened to blacks, women, witches, and more.

I've faced a lot of unwarranted condemnation by the actions of a few that wanted me to be seen as evil and to fail and be rejected in life.  For a while, I fought against the false witness and struggles that they caused, trying to convince their audience that I had value.  Yet, I learned very clearly that those who judge you WANT to judge you, and nothing you do will change their perspective.  It's better to just improve your situation and happiness, often by distancing yourself from your doubters and definitely by not respecting their opinion more than your own.  If you know you are right or good, STAND... be happy in yourself.  Grow.  Become what you desire in absence of their validation.  They lost the right to be part of the success that they didn't believe in or support.  

Your mood is in your hands.  Your success is in your power to execute by taking concrete actions.  Your future has never been in the power of others beyond your choice to bend to others assessment of your life over your own.  So, fk them.  Rise, yourself.  And as they will for your downfall, stand laughing your Karma of success, they will be busy facing their own Karma of criticism, soon enough.

Single

I got in trouble a few years ago on a singles FB group for saying that being single doesn't mean broken or incomplete and one could be happy and single, alone.  Holy fire rained down on me, and I was eventually expelled from the group for holding that position... even if it is not only true but much healthier than being with someone only because you are not respecting or loving yourself and need someone else to give it to you.  Trust me from experience that path will lead to disaster and back to where you began.

In both of my marriages, there was a similar problem.  I was giving an insane amount of effort and romance to someone who felt their only necessary participation was to receive it.  My beginning of asking for them to contribute was the end of the relationship, and it should have been a conversation much earlier, before I got so invested.

The flip side makes a very strong case.  When I was single before marriage, between marriages, and after, I focused on my own success and was happy and thriving.  When I was in a relationship, I literally was drained of my success built up prior and criticized and attacked by the very ones who took it all from me.

I'm not saying there cannot be a good relationship, and I hope others find it.  But, my lifelong experience tells me that the odds of a happy and prosperous life are much higher on my own, and even though I keep my eye open to a good match I'm less willing to surrender that foundation, unless I see something different than a half century to this point.

So.. I repeat.  Single doesn't mean broken or incomplete.  It doesn't mean you are failing the world by being a "single cat lady" either.  It may mean you have found your happiness without needing it to come from another, and that is quite an achievement in this world, today.

Election Red Flags

I think this needs to be said, and it is definitely related to happiness.

I've said before in my discussion of the value of darkness that conflicts and open speaking of uncomfortable topics is necessary and beneficial to increase public consideration of ideas that maybe they would not consider, otherwise... and thus elections were good for that reason.

It's also good to expose the true beliefs of politicians that would rather not have their illusions challenged.  However, I also think it important when consideration of potential mates and dates.

Now... I do not believe in only dating one party, and some disagreements of opinions are healthy in a relationship.  I like how most Tim Allen comedies have him married to someone of opposing political viewpoints.

However... election time can highlight important character differences.  For example, I am someone that stands for those in need and victims.  Being with someone that doesn't care if others suffer would be an important thing to know.   Similarly, I support LGBTQ rights is important to me.  Someone that thinks they all deserve hell or wants them silenced would never work with me.  Election time is likely the only time I'd come to know their true opinions, separate from the image they showed to try to get me.

So... I like election times for the ability to understand the true character of others, apart from what religion they choose or what statements they say at holidays.  Do they really give to the poor, or would they leave them on their own.  All of these are important things to understand.

Protected

I was answering questions in a group, today, and they asked what we wanted to be when we were young.  People put teacher, nurse, various superhero names, and I put cop.  Oddly, none of the accountants in our group put accountant, which is hilarious.  But, yeah... I watched all the Police Academy movies, wore a Miami Vice half sleeve shirt like Don Johnson, watched Magnum PI, Equalizer, Chips, Lethal Weapon, and many many other cop movies and shows.  Even as I have empathy, I've always had a need to balance it with justice for those wrong.  It would also inspire me to join the military and consider being a lawyer.

Today, I was thinking of another threat from which people need protection... one that I think has slipped from modern minds, because the last big example of it is decades old.  Do you remember the Enron scandal?  Enron was a Texas company that hid its debt from investors.  When it collapsed, a HUGE number of retirement funds of older people and more lost huge sums of their money.  Similarly, a man named Bernie Madoff schemed thousands of people out of money in a ponzi scheme and defrauded accounting.

The trend of late is to attack the government as bad and desire less of it.  However, these and others in my mind show it might, actually, need to be expanded.  I've put some government links to things you already use on the side panel of my blog, but the defense of people from those that would cheat to get rich at the expense of others is also a very worthy cause.  And, I'm very glad to support it.

Believe.. Create

I was going to put it off, but I should do this blog post while the ideas and influences are still fresh.. having finished a couple influences related.

I just finished Mort in the Terry Pratchett Discworld book series. As always, Terry's works are intricately woven tapestries of thought and plot.  There is never just one thought you can gain from reading it, but it helps you to think through things and develop logic skills.  Mort is on the surface the story of an apprentice of Death, buy it introduces or explores many other concepts.  

One of those concepts is the power of our expectations and beliefs.  Death explained that people get what they expected in the afterlife, as it is easier that way.  Further, they talk about how the power of belief in gods makes them exist and not exist when not believed.. a concept also in Disney's Coco, as the person that passed worried no one would remember them to male them exist.

Faith has the power to create.  When we believe in ourselves or others, we act.  When we do not, we die.  If we expect more or demand more, we get more.  If we accept less by others that want to ignore us or hold us down, we let them dictate our own misery.

Believe.. especially when doing so pisses off others.  Reach.  Try.  Go.  Rise.  Fuck the critics.  They don't deserve to be part of the story when you achieve.  Whether you reach the highest goals is irrelevant.  You will achieve the most you can reach, and the rest of the story will write itself.

Successfully Un "Blessed"

As I enter into a highly prosperous present and future, I must reiterate that it was my own determination and actions that brought it about... not God.  And... I think that's God's plan.  Indeed.. I doubt very seriously if the hard, evangelical right would argue with me about that point.  

After all, they have been watching my every hiccup like a hawk to see of God would FINALLY put me in my place... because I dared to question religion and point out the hypocrisy of his church.  Their worldview MUST have a "good" side and a 'bad" side, which typically is whatever side that differs than their own image or preference.  That's how diversity... different lifestyles or cultures than theirs .. becomes an evil thing that must be silenced and exiled.. or controlled.

I've given them a lot of reasons to find me "evil" by defending witches, gays, trans people, opposing political parties, minorities and poor people.  So, my success, instead, must confuse them.  Every other day, I see people say that GOD will deliver and prosper them.  Most, actually, live lives with as much challenge that I face or more.  I chose, instead, to follow a logical path that says... well... to get to this destination I need to walk (myself) in that direction by doing A, B, C, etc.  Then, when I get there without the sky falling on me, they have to either say I should thank God for the results of my logical actions that brought it about or that the "devil" brought it about... because if MAN is responsible for their own lives, they would have a lot to answer for and a lot to do.

In the end of The Adjustment Bureau, the divine like figure rewrites "the plan" that had tried to separate them, because the couple chose to do it, anyways... and the movie concluded that maybe that was the plan, all along.. that we take responsibility for our own lives.

So.. hopefully, my life will serve as inspiration that if you're tired of praying without results that maybe "God" is waiting for you to make decisions and take actions in your own life... and thank yourself that you had the wisdom and will to finally be a mature human.

Getting the Eggs Home... Acceptable Risk

 I heard a good metaphor for risk, today.  I've talked about the concept of acceptable risk, before, and this falls into that category.

Imagine you have a carton of eggs that you bought at the store.  You need to get them home.  There is NO options for zero risk to get them home.  You can reduce risk, but there may be bumps in the road or shifts in the car that could end up breaking a few eggs.  The only way to have no risk is to not buy eggs.

I forget that people struggle with the idea of having to have risk, because my life has pretty much necessitated it over the last few years.  The only way I would have had no risk is to have given up jobs and residence and maybe moved into the house of a relative and even then would have only been a drain on resources.  I've routinely taken risky choices, and they have overcome one challenge after another, leading me to my current success.  Where I currently am set to thrive would never have happened if I had not taken not one but a multitude of risky options, from applying for the job when I wasn't even sure my eye would work to moving a half country away to driving to make money on a car that was breaking down to more.

Risk is not something that you can avoid and still thrive.  It is the stepping stone TO a better foundation or foundations, as you increase.  I don't need to make this blog long, as that is the sum of the concept.  Applying it as you will.  Just don't give up eggs.

Sorry Not Sorry

I'm tired.  This week has been a long month.  But, I want to put this put there on my blog.

One of my playlists of this month has Demi Lovato singing "Sorry, Not Sorry" about not feeling bad that their success might upset those who rejected them or didn't give them the kind of support and faith that they deserved, when they had not reached their reward.  

Well, I'm about 3 weeks into a very rewarding career plan that I've been heading towards for over 6 months... applied to the job in February, while still recovering face down after an eye surgery.  There's been a lot of friction on the path, but I stayed true.  In the last years, I've been rejected by friends, family, and even a spouse 4 years ago that all sized me up a failure to fit their prejudice instead of my history or actions towards them.  It did not matter that more often than not the reason I wasn't a financial success was sacrifices and choices that I made for them.  They followed their pride to look for greener pastures.  Now, it's about to be greener under me, as Demi notes, as well.  

It also reminds me of what Tate McRae says in Want That Too... "Now, the second I find something good. I know that you're gonna want that too"  I dont know if that will happen, mainly because I've made it so they will never know I succeeded.  Let them stay deluded... except my children.  I do hope they realize all the lies my ex is feeding them and will always have an open door to me.  But, as for the rest... I am not going to seek them out to make them feel bad, buy I'm also not going to feel bad AT ALL flaunting what they COULD have had, if they had only shown the support and faith and care that a TRUE friend would show.

My life starts now, and I'm Sorry, Not Sorry who that makes upset.

Accommodation As A Bad Thing

I was reading, today, about customer service, and the article was listing several different ways that people typically respond to conflict.  It was going along as I expected, and then it got to the bad option of accommodation.... yeah... that was my reaction, too.  I was like what is so wrong about accommodation?  But, the more that I read and the more that I thought about it, I realized that they were right.

Accommodation sounds like a good thing.  After all, you are pleasing someone else for what they desire or want.  They would be happy.... right?  Not always and not necessarily for long.  When you accommodate someone, the message that you are sending is that you care more about someone's happiness than either the truth or rules and procedures.  A thief, for example, might be accommodating someone else that they want to pay.  And, if you are more interested in making someone happy, you might avoid telling them uncomfortable truths, which can ultimately end up even hurting the person they are trying to please, even more.

Further, if you are always bent on sacrificing your integrity and needs to make someone else happy, you will ultimately find yourself feeling resentment to the person for whom you gave so much, especially if that person takes your accommodation and then abandons you to your own consequences of giving them so much... rightly or wrongly.

Accommodation is born of good intentions, but they do not recognize boundaries or personal needs.  They are not focused on truly addressing the needs of others but only motivated by the desire to have an emotional benefit.  The truth is often less pleasant but more productive.  And, I DO understand THAT concept... honoring the value of truth, even when it leads to isolation or unpopularity.

So, I decided to add this to my blog, because the path to long lasting happiness will, very often, mean sticking true to your principles and standing your ground for boundaries and what is best for you, even if it makes others frown, sometimes.

Admiration of Jesus

Jesus.. as a literary and philosophical figure.. is quite admirable.  It's why so many over the centuries became believers IN SPITE of the church of their age... creating one protestant denomination after another in hopes that THIS one would FINALLY be like Christ.  That is, after all, what "Christian" was meant to mean.  I'm going to suppress my absolute disgust in the church to talk about what drew me to read about Jesus and later finish a Bible degree... from the university of Falwell of all schools... Liberty University.  Now, I'll also note that his own professors didn't often agree with his narrow political goals, either.  But... I digress.

Napoleon once said (I'm NOT defending Napoleon), "Alexander, Cæsar, Charlemagne and myself founded empires. But on what did we rest the creations of our genius? Upon sheer force. Jesus Christ alone founded His empire upon love; and at this hour millions of men will die for Him."

Ahhh... but that's the rub.  For a religion based on "love" there's been very little but a history of hate... Christian against other religions, Christians against Christians, Christians against women in magic, Christians against scientists, Christians against the government, and so on and so forth.  But... that's religion.  Let's get back to Jesus...

Jesus had a different take on things.  Indeed, in the stories, the Jews of the day... much like the church of our day.. were looking for and expecting their "messiah" to be a conquering king.  Instead, they got an illegal alien born baby in a stable for animals and worked as a carpenter for 30 years... probably how I'd do it too... including choosing a region that was judged by the church of the day.

Jesus would stand in the way of stoning sex workers, feed those needing aid for their poverty, focus on literal UNIVERSAL healthcare.. as in the universe.. for free, and talked about forgiveness instead of judgment... it's no wonder the church demanded the government kill him.

Jesus was then and is now the biggest problem in the crusade of hatred of his own church because he exposes them to be speaking out of their own butt instead of His teachings, and it's that independence that makes me a believer that he was.. in fact.. from God if not God's son as said... albeit the story he died for sins seems in my logical mind to be a convenient justification for them having KILLED him.  I saw a meme recently that had God saying... what did you do to my son?  You're on your own.  In my mind that's the best explanation of the hell in which we find ourselves among... ourselves.

Ghandi, Ben Franklin, and Thomas Jefferson all admired Jesus, and it's doubtful any ever chose to worship him or see him as more than a man.  They saw him as a great teacher... as even Muslims do... odd that those that don't follow him are more interested in listening to him than his own named religion members.

Consistently True

It shouldn't be an offense to choose a party that aligns with your personal choices.  My choices has not been secret.  I am rather loud about them, as many know... I don't mean politics as much as issues, though they are more and more directly aligned... thus my point, here.  

I have spoken out to defend the LGBTQ victims from their bullies and attackers online for many, many years and have a child that falls in that category, who I will continue to defend, even if their mother works to turn them away from me.  I have written books about gay characters.  I have defended personal freedoms for gender, sex, expression, and have stood for diversity for many many years... or maybe my whole life.  I have opposed those that would tell others how to live their lives.  That overlapped into the conservative side for medical reasons for a while, but now those same people want to demand others be silent and obedient with the wishes of the majority.  I have watched as the Republican party has gone from a party of defending freedom in the world and fighting wars to liberate others to now defend the opporessors in the world's wars and remove freedom from schools, government, and public scenes.

In short... I cannot be true to myself and vote for the Republican party... not this Republican party.. and I am allowed to hold that conviction and make that decision.  Period.  There is ONLY one party that fits in my worldview, empathy, and mindset.. and that is for Kamala Harris, who I will support to be the first woman President, supporting equality which I have ALSO done my whole life.

Step by Step 1 2 3 4

The journey towards happiness is a conscientious one.  It is intentional.  It doesn't just happen, and no one is waiting to give it to you.  Some might give you a moment of joy or a few, but it's not their responsibility for their life.  Everyone is born with the same responsibility... to care for themselves.  So, anyone that expects constant affirmation and mood lifting and gifts from others will eventually find the other person tired of violation of their responsibility for yours, if you are not giving back.

So, how do you progress towards happiness.  I try to alternate in my blog between different things that helps from my experience.  I haven't experienced all kinds of loss or struggle, but I have established some principles that I believe are universal, and those are my focus, generally.  I tend to stay away from things percolating in my head, til I have established they are true.  True is a very good thing for me.. always has been.  So, I'll summarize some principles I have accepted and implemented in my own life, here.

1.  Be real.  This one is hard but necessary.  I do not mean to be negatively pessimistic.  That errors on the same flaw as being overly optimistic.  In both cases, you prevent yourself from taking action to improve your situation.  Just be real about what you can expect in your current situation, what you desire, and what steps would be necessary to get there IN your situation or if not possible changes to your situation that must be made. 

Being real and objective also helps you avoid being paralyzed by fear.  The other day I had to drive to another city for my job for something and carpooled with another worker.  She noted that I wasn't nervous about her driving .. was reading a book in fact.  I explained that i never fear, anymore.  Years ago, I determined fear is mostly useless.  Instead, I just stay ready to respond to whatever happens... adjust.  Logic has been my best friend over my ample challenges in the recent years.

2.  Stop trying to satisfy others' opinions of how your life should look.  Realistically, you probably won't know most of the people you know, now, in 5 years.  If you do know them, they will probably be so absorbed in their own lives that they wouldn't even remember their opinion of yours.  Those that are your closer and remaining friends will want you to follow whatever path would make you happy, because that's what real friends and family would want for you.  So, do that, now.

3.  Make a plan.  Like I said... it doesn't just happen.  So, you need to identify the specific things that needs changing and take steps to make the changes.  Does that require schooling?  Moving?  Applying to new jobs? Going on dates you know will probably fail?  Whatever it is, plan it.

4.  Take risks.  Be real but take risks, and be real about the risks.  I recall applying to over 100 jobs before my first professional job many years ago.  Just statistically there are more people applying than openings at any job.  If you want to win one, it's more about persistence than anything else.  With persistence, you lower the odds that you will eventually find something by stats of multiple attempts working together.  The same is true of other things like dating... though that one is different in that you need to do the next point.

5.  Get addicted to discovery of your own likes and wants.  I know that over my life people would ask what I wanted, and I'd stare back with a blank expression that said... oh... I hadn't actually considered that.  We get so busy trying to fit in and please others that we can entirely lose ourselves.  It takes time OUTSIDE of being a people pleaser..and being willing to become someone offensive to some people.. to really begin to understand what we like.  In my experience, you may discover things you like and that leads to something you like more.. so like steps towards becoming you.  But, you'd never discover that unless you have the personal freedom to explore apart from a society looking to condemn anything that is outside of the established norms.

6.  Choose to focus forward on the adventure of change, rather on the failures of the past.  I made a note of it in my social media the other day, but there was a part in Only Murders in the Building that resonated with this.  Mabel was being asked by a media company to sell the rights of her life's tragedies for a movie.  She was hesitating and explained... what if that's not who I want to be in the future?  I've hit on this in my life at times but only briefly, but it is true and important.  I have in recent years focused way too much time and energy on what did not work in my past and not enough on what the future might bring.  The best pay to predict your future is to create it, as they say.  And, in Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium, the lead character says, "We must face tomorrow, whatever it may hold, with determination, joy and bravery."

So. I'll end this post on that, though I could say more and in more depth.  Look up.  Look forward.  And, step into the future towards your own path in happy discovery.