Inequality

I realized a lot of this a long while back, but it is much more relevant, now.  So, I'm going to go through what I believed (and many still do), what I learned, and why it is important to our age.

I grew up in a Southern, conservative area... albeit still very Democrat but that would shift... the party, not the culture.  It was pretty universally believed that a man should take care of a woman... providing for her.. defending her.. and making it so she "didn't have to" work.  Her place, it was believed was in the home, raising children.  I know you might be saying it's a lot like that, now... and I'll get to that.

So, the idea that a woman would be working was back then a sign of shame... this was before it became the norm for both to work.  Indeed, as women began to work, shows like Laverne and Shirley and others of career women were viewed by many as "Feminists" that were avoiding their household responsibilities and ruining families.  If a lot of that sounds familiar, it's probably coming from older men that came from that mentality.

Anyways, women that began working began feeling self respect that came from accomplishment not pleasing a man in the home.  So, they began wanting to be equal... but that gets in the way of a man feeling her INEQUALITY of being the "weaker sex" as they heard in church was what made a relationship work.  Without him doing things for her, how was there a relationship?

I can testify to this feeling, because I've made that mistake in feeling it.  It comes out of getting our understanding of relationships from older generations, but older generations didn't have equality.  At one time, a woman was property to be exchanged from father to husband.  Early marriages didn't even ask the opinion of women.  So, I felt it was chivalry to do things for her, and her place to receive it.  I still am working to get over it, but get over it I... and society must.

My ex would feel that my doing things for her made her feel less than, and she wanted to feel equal.  That is true in every case of inequality.  Further, it puts pressure on the one that is less to accept the will or acts of the one with more power.  That's the basis of sexual harassment, in fact.  One that is less loses their power, when their job... or their relationship.. is on the line.

So... how does a two career, equal relationship work, then?  Instead of being built on inequalities and seeing someone as weaker that must be taken care of like a child, it is based instead on respect.  Instead of a relationship based on power and provision, it is a partnership based on choice, and I think that is actually much stronger.

It will take time for this to be the normal way of choosing relationships... people are still too programmed by generations fading away.  But, it is the only way it works for independent and equal people, and it is the way I intend to live.