Inequality

I realized a lot of this a long while back, but it is much more relevant, now.  So, I'm going to go through what I believed (and many still do), what I learned, and why it is important to our age.

I grew up in a Southern, conservative area... albeit still very Democrat but that would shift... the party, not the culture.  It was pretty universally believed that a man should take care of a woman... providing for her.. defending her.. and making it so she "didn't have to" work.  Her place, it was believed was in the home, raising children.  I know you might be saying it's a lot like that, now... and I'll get to that.

So, the idea that a woman would be working was back then a sign of shame... this was before it became the norm for both to work.  Indeed, as women began to work, shows like Laverne and Shirley and others of career women were viewed by many as "Feminists" that were avoiding their household responsibilities and ruining families.  If a lot of that sounds familiar, it's probably coming from older men that came from that mentality.

Anyways, women that began working began feeling self respect that came from accomplishment not pleasing a man in the home.  So, they began wanting to be equal... but that gets in the way of a man feeling her INEQUALITY of being the "weaker sex" as they heard in church was what made a relationship work.  Without him doing things for her, how was there a relationship?

I can testify to this feeling, because I've made that mistake in feeling it.  It comes out of getting our understanding of relationships from older generations, but older generations didn't have equality.  At one time, a woman was property to be exchanged from father to husband.  Early marriages didn't even ask the opinion of women.  So, I felt it was chivalry to do things for her, and her place to receive it.  I still am working to get over it, but get over it I... and society must.

My ex would feel that my doing things for her made her feel less than, and she wanted to feel equal.  That is true in every case of inequality.  Further, it puts pressure on the one that is less to accept the will or acts of the one with more power.  That's the basis of sexual harassment, in fact.  One that is less loses their power, when their job... or their relationship.. is on the line.

So... how does a two career, equal relationship work, then?  Instead of being built on inequalities and seeing someone as weaker that must be taken care of like a child, it is based instead on respect.  Instead of a relationship based on power and provision, it is a partnership based on choice, and I think that is actually much stronger.

It will take time for this to be the normal way of choosing relationships... people are still too programmed by generations fading away.  But, it is the only way it works for independent and equal people, and it is the way I intend to live.

Diversity

I think I have told the story, before... but it seems relevant to the conversation, again.  A long time ago, I was standing in formation in my active duty Army artillery battery, and pur gunnery Sargent turned around and looked at his unit in the battery and did a double take and then said, "man... we are racist as a motherfker."  I turned to look at what he was seeing.  The entire first row (each row was a self propelled gun) was Hispanic.  The second row/gun was all white.  The third was all black.  There were no exceptions.

We are seeing this more and more in society.  You have companies.. like those under Elon Musk (grandfather was an active supporter of the racist apartheid in South Africa that held down Nelson Mandela and the black majority) whose companies and especially management are overwhelmingly white and male.  However...less prevalent but I have gone into several restaurants and stores and noticed they were all black or all Hispanic or all women, too.

We currently have a white presidential ticket running against a multi cultural and gender ticket.  That's not an overstatement.  The white ticker not only is amazingly white (like... Putin Russia white.. how often have you seen a Russian not white), but they openly say they are standing for whites that they feel are threatened by minority groups and Feminists threatening male power.  Statistics don't lie, and the demographics of the group are a very narrow sliver of society's pie..  like 90 percent white and largely evangelical and male and straight (indeed... anti LGBTQ).... vs... a minority woman, married to a white jew with supporters from all races, genders, economic backgrounds, religions, sexual orientations, working women and stay at home dads... like.. everyone.

Indeed, it's not just a stark difference in contrast, but the narrow sliver actually hate the diversity of others and want to force everyone to be like them.  In schools, that party censors things that don't fit their perspective, so the kids can ONLY hear and see what they believe.  They aren't content to be straight, but they feel they must cure others of being gay or trans.  A party thar used to stand for freedom now flinches to hear the pledge of allegiance say "one nation under god with liberty and justice for all" because they don't WANT others to have liberty or freedom.. not IF it is different than them.

Very often... and often around elections but not exclusively .. I lose friends simply for having a different opinion than others.  I don't unfriend people or end interaction with others for political or other differences, but I find the reverse is not as true.  I also don't believe in hiding my differences or silencing my opinions.  If my "friends" are only going to have me around as self validation or an echo chamber, it's better to know sooner than later.

Freedom is accepting that other are entitled to their own opinions without being "evil" for having them and working together even when we don't always agree.  I'll end this with a clip from a movie that I included in a playlist a few months back ... about the trial of Larry Flint, when the courts approved the freedom to have pornography.  Take a few minutes to watch this and consider if you can really say, I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free.

Why Didn’t Harris Fix Things Answered

Since happiness is a part of the political process, this blog does have an overlap and application.  Happiness is, after all, what motivates most to vote.

I feel the need to address one thing being repeated by the right, because I cannot tolerate hypocrisy or bullshit.  In a very real way, the right's leaders are saying, "Why did you let me screw you?"  I will explain with logic and facts beyond dispute.

First, we need to be specific and detailed... not broad strokes of assumptions.  It is not bad for everyone.  The rich have literally never been so rich.  Why?  They didn't suffer like the rest of us.  They got government bailouts, which enabled them to set higher prices without being sensitive to the lower incomes of customers.  Housing values rose, and real estate investments paid off big.  Slum lords like Sean Hannity from Foxnews cashed in on the backs of poor people.  Let's also not miss that those businesses that was propped up and raised prices also didn't raise wages as fast as prices  .. if at all.  And, minimum wage has still not been raised since 2009.  The government didn't raise your prices, like Trump wants to do with his new tax.  Private businesses did... you know the free market the right champions.

So, who would raise minimum wage or control companies taking advantage of a pandemic to steal more of the money of struggling people?  The House of Representatives is where all financial bills must start in Congress. Who is in charge of the House?  Republicans.  But, rather than helping the poor, they cut food stamps and other poverty aid programs and wants to cut more.

That's the facts.  You can ignore them and repeat assumptions Harris is responsible for your greedy boss, but it would be dishonest.  Even when she proposed going after those businesses to lower costs, who objected... Republicans.  Your prices will not go down under them.  They are not even proposing to try.

Fear

 I used to say that fear is stupid, but rather I'd say it is a poor substitute for wisdom.  In the body, it is meant for an immediate reaction to an immediate danger that is clear and present.  Neither your body or society is meant to use it long term and doing so will do grave danger to both.

Fear cannot exist in the same place as logic or freedom... or hope or happiness for that matter.  So, choosing to live in fear is choosing to surrender all of the above.

Fear makes you do things you'd rather not do, overlook warning signs that you would normally avoid to end up in situations or relationships you'll later feel was a mistake and feel imprisoned.

So, I'll keep this short, because even though I could give a hundred examples of this from my own life that taught me, you have plenty of your own.  Just remember, if you intend long term success and happiness, never allow fear to take the reins from a life of experience or a desire for freedom and stability.

Acceptable Risk

I've noted this before, but it's been a while.  So, it's a good offset to the accounting post... since both are important.

When I was taking my auditing course in my accounting study, I remember being fascinated by the fact that we had a whole chapter on what was called "acceptable risk."  The point being that an environment that was completely safe was also one that didn't grow and often collapsed.  So, you have to take chances.  But, being wild about it is also a formula to collapse.  So, you had to determine how much risk you were willing to take that would also not upset your foundation.  

It's exactly why I'm not dating til I get my paychecks going.  Dating is expensive, especially for men.  I don't want to put my budget at risk, til it is safe. Afterwards, I plan to start using dating apps and inviting people out for company having fun to the things I am already going to be doing.  I don't anticipate a lot of lack if I'm like... hey I'm going to this restaurant and concert...or game or whatever...wanna come?  I don't want anyone to like me for money, but it would make it easier to connect with people.

But, as for taking chances, to quote the guy in We Bought a Zoo... why not?  What do you have to lose. In every area of life, not just dating, taking chances can only improve your life, as long as you manage the risk within what you deem as acceptable.

So, yes.. account for your life and be wise, but don't forget to take chances.  It's the only way you will grow.

Evangelist of Disorder.. Sht Happens

I'm what I guess of late to be an evangelist of disorder.  In reality, it's an objective observationalist that states reality, even if... sometimes especially if.. people would prefer the rosy prediction.  It has come from a life of living with those rosy expectations and facing a life of disappointment, instead.  It has helped me craft a more logical and progressively improving life, as well.  Someone one time praised my budgeting ability to make it through my periods of sparce resources and unexpected expenses, and I explained that it... and all my accounting ability.. was refined over many years by seeing assumptions fail, so I determined that I must KNOW things to protect and guide myself.

It's also, I think, helped others I've counseled in their lives after failures and disappointment hit their lives, as well.  Being factual doesn't mean I'm not emotional.. quite the contrary.  I don't believe it does anyone good to lie and promise rosy days, if that's not something that I think will happen.  I can empathize with them and offer my support and care, while at the same time offer my experience IN the dark valley... it's kinda been my home for most of my life.  I can tell them that it will eventually pass, because I've established that is true.  I can show them from my own life that there is always something good that comes out of bad.  I've noted the value of darkness many times this year in blog posts, and it's true.  

Try something with me... I tried it, today.  Think of EVERY failed time dating or relationship or marriage.  Can you honestly say that there is not something good that you learned or carried with you from that painful time?  I couldn't think of a failure that didn't ALSO grow me or add to me in some way.  Life is messy, and every joy comes with struggle or vice versa.  It doesn't mean that you shouldn't make wise decisions to better your future life, but it does not mean that holding up idealistic and unrealistic expectations for your life is good or that following a path of "hope" that doesn't even have a defined path is a "good" thing to do.

Sht happens, as the car sticker says.  If you understand that, you'll spend less time in self-pity and making quicker decisions to get out of it by simply saying... ok.. what do I do now?  It's one of the best lessons I can give you about moving FORWARD to Happiness.

Accounting For Life

For those that don't know, my career outside of food delivery in periods between jobs is accounting.  It's a natural career for me, because it aligns with several qualities that I have, which I think is actually very needed and often lacking in the world, today.  Stick through the first paragraphs to get to the larger application.

People think accounting is about math or numbers.  Those are some expressions of it, sure.  But, I worked one accounting job for oil and gas supply where a whole section of the company accounted for barrels of oil transferred... no money accounted in that process.  Others would handle that.  Accounting was and is about first getting an accurate understanding of what it is you have, got, or sold.  There are no assumptions.. no we thought we had, or we thought it was worth more.  If it is not accurate, it is not accounting.

In order to be accurate, it MUST be seen objectively.  Your job is not to please the management.  In fact, they are counting on YOU to determine when it is not.  Some positions, in fact, are internal auditors whose job it is to catch when lower or middle managers are trying to blow sunshine up the CEOs ass.  You don't make friends that way, but you serve a valuable service.

So, it fits me like a glove, since by nature I am driven to analyze what actually exists by poking holes in assumptions and prejudice in groups around me.

But, some things cannot be analyzed and must be taken on faith, some would say.   Indeed, every dictator or abusive person... whether political figure, cult leader, management figure or abusive spouse would say the same thing.  Pretty much always the loudest voices opposing oversight are the ones with something to hide.  Those who don't often welcome an objective eye or voice.  Every major company gets audited every few years at least, and I think the devil is in fact God's auditor of virtue and does a pretty good job at it.

But, it's also false to say some things cannot be analyzed.  There is a very good one season show on Hulu of a massive supercomputer valled Devs designed to analyze everything... down to things like what did you ear or what did you hear or what was the weather like that led you to conclude in your quantifiable history to decide one thing over another.   And, if you can do that, you can predict the next steps.  This was also a major part of a season of Westworld.  Ultimately, everything... even emotions.. can be identified as the results of other influences.  So, the challenge and opportunity we have from understanding this is to let "our head rule our heart" as they say.  

For the last several months, that's been my guide... choosing what is wise, and know what?  It has led to a less emotionally rocky result with more steady joys, as well.  

So.. give it a shot.  What areas of your life do you KNOW are unwise and need adjustments.  What areas can you improve at it.  If you are not using your brain to guide your life, you cannot blame others for the choices you make without consulting it.

Be a Man (or Woman)

In the conversation with my mentally ill ex when she was cutting me out of my child's life based simply on her not thinking I was a good influence, she said many hurtful things in true modern Christian fashion (she pretends to be holy).  One of them was to tell me to "be a man," when I was objecting to her actions.  I think that's a good launching point for this topic.

Be a man... what's that mean?  After all, according to the rigid right, gender is not a behavior construct.  If you are born with a penis,  you are a male and vagina female.. unless your political supreme leaders say your not a female boxer, I guess.  So... how can one act like a male or female.  If you have the equipment from birth... it's settled, right?

Of course, they don't believe that.  You have to act like a man or woman, too... follow the proscribed way of acting... jobs or lack of them, house parent or not, visual appearance, etc.  That's, I think, the biggest problem they have about trans people.  They don't care of you identify with the other gender, as long as you don't LOOK like the other gender, suggesting it had nothing at all to do with your born equipment at all... it has to do with how you choose to act or appear.  It's not about your biology. It's about control.

So, topics like women not having children are mocked by the right VP as "childless cat ladies" and men that stay at home to raise children are given suspicion and insults.. I know that from my time doing that by choice, as well.... so that that ex that mocked me could go be a manager with her MBA.  Had I "been a man" as she charged, she would have had little opportunity for her to do exactly that.

So, ignore the critics.  They aren't even consistent in their own arguments.  Just be yourself and when that crosses a gender barrier for them, just tell them to fk themselves... because they'll probably have a problem finding an acceptable partner.

Speak Up, I Can't Hear YOU

My friends and online acquaintances have to think I am crazy.  I tend to speak about whatever I like, even if it offends some people.. especially in some cases.  Think of me like SNL.. if I haven't offended you about something,  yet.. give it time.  So, they have to think I don't understand that keeping that inside will attract more friends.. or more.  But, I'm very aware.

First of all, my goal in life is not "or more."  I've been there, done that.  I know better than most how to act in a way that people would accept me.  I've had many successful dates and two marriages (I could give Ryan Reynolds a run for his money), but I learned long ago that getting someone on a false image or muted one will end up causing problems when the real me comes out.  To be fair, they also didn't give an accurate depiction of themselves, either.

And, friends is similar, except you can generally be friends with someone that only shares a few interests and limited to those interests.  You don't have to approve of the rest, because why would you?  In the case of those that would bail at my differing opinion, I want to give them ample opportunity to leave.  Someone left my friends list in the last week.  I don't know who, as they were not a closer connection, but I've lost closer connections at times, as well.  Better to establish that as early as possible.

So... yeah.  I don't shy away from stating my opinions and criticisms.  Some Christians will only be friends with or date other Christians.  So, there's nothing wrong with non Christians doing the same, and the way that you attract those kinds of friends or those ok with you as you is to be yourself.  So, don't hide yourself.  You'll end up hurting your own goals could even end up having to live a life not as yourself just to please someone who was only into your illusion.  Speak up.  You'll feel better, and the results will be closer to what you desire.

Free to Be Happy

Not the blog post I was expecting to write, but it's one necessary to be written in our age and with the last year of falsehoods and anger and even violence that results from the ignorance.  I have had experience and learning and considering on the subject, both from my child and from my own exploration and consideration on the subject.  

My child is no longer reading my posts, and my exploration determined it was not necessary or accurate to change, so neither is fueling this, but I tend to rise up when I see oppression... so, here's several things I learned about gender and transgender.  I'm not saying it to criticize anyone... my estimation is most people never gave these points a thought, because it didn't apply to them and makes them feel uncomfortable to think some of their foundational "truths" are as shallow as following the crowd.  But... here we go.

The loudly spoken objection to transgender is that someone is messing with "God given nature" of the body that was given to them.  Except... we literally do that all the time.  Women and men of a certain age take hormones to help them look and feel like they want, and ESPECIALLY if they want to enjoy SEX.  Women after a hysterectomy take hormones.  Men after other operations take hormones.  Children born with birth defects have surgeries done to change their God given bodies, and the pharmaceutical industry is based on changing what your body is literally doing on its own.  So.. if restricting treatments that is against nature is our goal, we have a lot to restrict.

Ok.. so what about the appearance issue?  That's actually more easily dismissed.  Do you know that many celebrities and politicians and news people that are men wear makeup?  Often, they'll wear more than your average woman, in fact.  Not only do Scottish men wear dresses (kilts) but for literally thousands of years, so did men... including Jesus, very likely.  That's just what was normal.  And EVERY play until very recently was only done by men, meaning kings and queens and villages watched Shakespeare and others' works watching men in drag for women's roles.  If we are going to teach kids true history, we'd need to mention that.

Well, aren't they going to attack women in bathrooms to have sex?  Not to put too fine a point on it, but very likely they and the other women in the bathrooms have the same gender target of sexual attraction.  Transgender women wouldn't be attracted to women, very often.  And for the rare exceptions,  I could point to gay examples that exist, as well.

I could go on and on... I put quite a lot of time into the subject... realizing most of our "differences" are semantics and very fine... women carry a purse, men a briefcase or backpack, women and men both value shoes, how their butt looks, wanting to be desired, etc... but I'll just end with this.

Why is it so important to criticize how someone ELSE lives their lives if it doesn't impact you?  Wasn't that the anti Vax argument?  Live and let live.  Find your own path to happiness that doesn't include stopping others that are often not a good fit in their birth gender from being happy in another.