God Helps Those That Help Themselves

There's an old saying that many know... God helps those that help themselves.  When I was growing up, many thought it was a bible verse. But, it's actually from country founder Benjamin Franklin in his way to wealth booklet.  The point was that you should be working towards your own success and not just sitting around waiting for someone to save you.  Others can help you, and if that's offered be grateful, but ultimately your life is your responsibility and if you don't believe in yourself or your future enough to work for it, why should God believe in you to do it?

It also reminds me of another old story.  There came a flood to a city, and as the waters rose, a pastor said, "God will save me."  Shortly, a man knocked on his door to save him, and he said, "God will save me."  Later, a boat came by his house and called to him, but he said, "God will save me."  Finally, as he was on top of his roof, a helicopter came and called to him, and he refused saying, "God will save me."  After the man died, he asked God why He didn't save him, and God replied, "I sent you a man, a boat, and a helicopter."

Like is confusing.  Things are always changing around us.  Each 5 years is very different than I expected to find myself at that point.  When I took it in my hands to force a specific plan it was usually when success and happiness began to unravel.  But, if I look back at times things went well for me... awards in school, work, kids... it wasn't a specific plan as much as working hard and preparing myself for what may come.  And, the more preparation.. the better the result.

That is my goal.  I'm taking a long term planning structure to my life.  I plan to move to a cheaper area near family, get a good job and rebuild myself and develop connections to others.  I'm not going to even guess how my life will change or where I'll be in 5 years, but I expect my preparation will result in the same expanded opportunities that I had the last time I followed this mentality.

Take It Back

When my last marriage ended, I wanted to put it behind me, and combined with my voluntarily giving custody of my child to my first ex in Florida, I thought what better way. But, the problem is what I didn't recognize was that it was am act of surrendering my foundation to someone that rejected me...two people, actually... as I was also giving up custody to my first ex that had never stopped and would continue to attack me to make herself look better by comparison to my child. But. I gave up more to my 2nd ex.

I grew up in Oklahoma. That was my home and where my family resides. Tulsa had been my home for 5.5 years before I met my ex. I found the house to rent in which she now resides and mowed the grass and more there when we were together. When it ended, despite all this and the fact that she chose to give up and even refused my 4 requests for counseling to save the marriage...she refused to be the one to move away. When I had to go in s pandemic to Florida, I left boxes of things there. I would only be able to pay for some to be shipped to me, because that ex allowed my boxes to get wet and molded and was trashed... including many awards I had achieved. For a long time, I wouldn't even think of Tulsa or Oklahoma. because I was blocking it out. Lumping it all together geographically. But... it was mine. first.

Before her, I owned a house in the area. Before her, I had a solid ans growing career. Before her, I had a family with two kids in my household. I took her to all my favorite spots there, but they were MY spots, first.. some of which I'd even taken previous dates to.

I want my next decade to be taking back what was mine. The kids may not be possible, because they are grown or about to be. But, that wouldn't stop me from making another's kids my own, when I find the right one...even if they are grown, too, and having a new family to extend from my current one...and a new career whether that be the same job or a new path.

The last several years may look like the first part of God's bet over Job. But...by God... I'll make the next part look like G D Solomon.

Finding Forward

I've spent a lot of my life following or living in illusions. I'll admit some of the time in years BEING an illusion even if I thought it was true, tried to make it true, or wanted it to be true, often to impress or get someone else. I don't do it much anymore. I try not to, though I have seen a few times that I have a little, before I caught and corrected it. So, I don't judge others for it, as much as I want to learn from it in myself and others, though sometimes I wish everything had been clear to save me from bad choices made.

    Sometimes, the illusions were people pretending to be something they are not, such as empathetic.. I've had multiple examples of that over the years that as soon as we were over evaporated or turned into attacks on my character in a period of my struggle. Sometimes, it is a place. My choice to come to Florida and Florida, itself, would be an example of this. If you had a different experience of Florida, that's great. But, I can only speak to what I've experienced.

    Florida sounded like a great idea, both for me and my child as my 2nd marriage was ending and my ex was living in a household of money in Florida.. because in 5 years of my having custody she did not choose to move near the child to be in her life, even though I would do so within a few months of giving over custody to her in Florida. My child didn't want to go and begged me to stay in Oklahoma with me, but I was choosing what was best .. or so I would believe.

    My first year in Florida was bad, but I figured it was just growing pains.. no pain no gain, and sometimes that is true. But... the pains never ended. I don't think I have had a single month in Florida in the 41 months of being here without some crisis or challenge to overcome. I've had a car stolen, a car accident, multiple car repairs in almost every major part being replaced (so... they're newer parts at least), rent increases. car insurance increases. retinal tears and detachments with multiple surgeries, my ex practically kidnapping my child, toxic work conditions, and a big history of dating lessons to be learned. Over 3 years into it, I barely have a few local friends and the list of who could pick me up from the hospital is so short that I had to contact someone I dated a few times to help me out, because of the multiple dozens of social events I attended and talked to many at them, almost none gave a phone number or lasted longer than being interesting conversations for their entertainment. So, while Florida seems like a fun and free state, it is often a lonely place for many (not just me) and expensive. People pay here rents that would be for the highest class of housing in Oklahoma for ...a room. So, as I announced on my social media, I plan to move back closer to family this summer or fall... joining the current of others leaving the state for the same reason.. the number one reason people give for leaving the state is to be closer to family, though other examples could certainly be crime, expense, the worst traffic I have ever seen, and racism towards white people by many.

    I say all that to say this. Yes.. we want to move forward to happiness.. thus the name of this blog. But, pay attention to if a choice you made for that is bringing you closer to happiness. You may find as I have often that you are actually moving away from it. If that's the case, the shortest path you being happy is to turn around and walk away.

Karmic Justice Tempered by Objectivity

Different religions call it different names, but it's found in all of them.. the idea that ultimately the deficit between what struggles you face and what rewards you are given are balanced. There's an old Russian story of a woman thar faced judgment on her life and didn't look good for her. But, then they took into account the struggles she faced in life, and she was cleared. But, it's not always end of days that we see it but in this life, too.

Taylor Swift sings that Karma is her boyfriend. Well, the sports player boyfriend isn't named Katma, but you get the point. Her life definitely is more rewarded than the decades she clawed her way up. In my case, it would be girlfriend, and like her I'd say that the idea gives me comfort to know my deficit will be reconciled, even as the idea of Karma must scare those that misused me. Indeed, without my intervention or even will, I can look at those individuals lives and see that they faced the penalty in their lives ... the deeper the bettayal.. the harsher the result. All that is left is the positive addition to my life for what I gave.

But, this is where it is important to be objective about the good and bad in our lives. Not all that we call bad is bad, and not all we call good is good. It's like those that call themselves rich but are living on credit cards. I saw a study once that over half of those that were middle to upper class were living on credit and debt and in reality were broke... much like Inventing Anna show on Netflix that is based on a true story. But, people want what they see, even if what they see is a lie, too.

Similarly, the accepted perception is that it is better and happier to be in a relationship and less so to be single. That CAN be true, but it can also be a similar illusion. Not all that are in a relationship is happy and not all single are sad. There are benefits to being single that make you happy, too. So, you have to temper Karma with the realization that you may be receiving your reward in other ways, even now.

That said... my life is definitely in deficit of what I've given, and like weather patterns that revolve around and operate to balance low pressure areas, I look forward to seeing the storms of reward that arrive this year.