Hot or Not

I’m going to break from my only non romantic happiness theme, as I have been reconsidering romance as a future reality, lately again.  I think it is a human need… whether or not that is marriage or long term.  I had a dream days ago where I was close to a faceless woman.. emotionally.. and it reminded me how nice that is.

There used to be an app called Hot or Not… Tinder pretty much replaced that as that’s pretty much all that app is about.. physical.  It is superficial and controlling, but the name fits with what I wanted to talk about.

I spent years in both of my marriages over my life trying yo get my wife to show romantic interest in me.  I’m sure it had a lot to do with who I chose.. usually those that liked it when I showed them attention.  In the end, that would be the sum of the relationship for them, and when I pulled my level of emotional display back to theirs, it was the end of their interest, because that was all it had to it.  Not ironically, my 2nd was and is a Instagram influencer, so craving likes is kinda her thing.  But, it’s not enough to sustain a relationship.  Yet, in those marriages, I assumed that they cared, till it was obvious that they didn’t.

I saw a meme this morning that said you deserve to have someone that can’t wait to get to know you and fall in love with you and to stop settling for those that are less.  Indeed, there was a marriage book I read a long time ago that said to go into marriage with eyes wide open to make sure it’s true but then half closed after to not find fault in your marriage.  Probably not completely half closed, but you get the point.  

You must make sure to understand that it is that it is, and it isn’t that it isn’t.  Magic isn’t when you create something, it’s when it happens on its own.  Creating is manipulation, and I’d rather have someone real than someone at the end of puppet strings.  It’s why I am quick to show myself as I am, so I don’t attract someone after an illusion.

So.. every day we must take the courage to ask if this option or that one is HOT for us or not.  Similarly, as the question of how we feel for them.  Wait .. as I will.. til it’s hot on both sides and we are their dream and not their cushion.  To do otherwise will just lead to more problems, later.  I know from experience.